We've all been there – stuck behind slow walkers, overwhelmed by noisy kids, cut off by a reckless driver, losing a day's work to a computer crash, or dealing with a customer service rep who understands your problem but can never help. In those moments, frustration can quickly build, leaving you on the verge of losing your cool. For some, it can lead to a dramatic outburst.
In a study published by the National Library of Medicine, involving around 34,000 adults in the United States, 7.8% of the population had experienced inappropriate, intense, and poorly controlled episodes of anger. According to an article published by the British Association of Anger Management, it was reported that 45% of employees regularly lose their temper at work; 80% of drivers admit to having been involved in road rage incidents and 1 in 4 of those drivers admit to committing an act of road rage (e.g. tailgating, flashing headlights, cutting, brake checking, etc.); and a 400% increase in reported air rage incidents (acts of anger enacted upon flight crew or other passengers on a plane) between 1997 and 2000.
Closer to home, a quick scroll through social media accounts like SG Road Vigilante and Singapore Incidents reveals how critical anger management is. New videos surface nearly every day, showcasing the ugly consequences of uncontrolled anger – road rage, public outbursts, and heated confrontations. These viral clips highlight how easily frustration can spiral out of control, affecting the person involved and everyone around them.
Researchers have found several common environmental factors that contribute to anger outbursts such as heat, dense populations, high-stress environments, and sleep deprivation – all of which are part and parcel of life in Singapore. While many of these external factors cannot be changed, anger management can help you cope with these conditions, allowing you to stay in control of your anger. Managing anger isn’t just about staying calm; it's essential for safeguarding your physical and mental well-being, and maintaining healthy relationships, no matter what the environment throws your way.
In this article, we'll explore how you can take control before anger takes control of you by diving into the concept of anger, symptoms recognition, and anger management itself. We'll also examine how therapy can help you manage anger more effectively, empowering you to handle life’s challenges with greater emotional resilience.
Content:
Understanding Anger
Like every other emotion, anger evolved out of a need to survive, cope, and thrive in the world. Emotions tend to cause physiological reactions that prepare the body for specific actions. Anger is closely associated with the fight response – it triggers the sympathetic nervous system affecting heart rate, blood pressure, blood flow to muscles, blood glucose levels, breathing rate, and alertness. Anger has played a critical role in human history as an impetus for change - whether in protecting or acquiring more resources, fighting injustice, safeguarding our values, defending ourselves from threats, or pursuing goals.
Today, anger continues to provide insight into our values and beliefs, and drives action to uphold them. According to Brené Brown, author of the book Atlas of the Heart, anger is an action-driving emotion that is felt when something gets in the way of a desired outcome or when we believe there has been a violation of the natural order of things. When people talk about their anger, the story rarely stops there. The narrative of anger tends to unfold into stories of betrayal, fear, grief, injustice, shame, vulnerability, and other emotions. In this story, anger arises to bring back balance.
There is also a strong social element to anger, which explains why anger seems to be so contagious. When someone expresses anger, it can trigger a similar emotional response in others. Humans are naturally wired to respond to strong emotional cues, especially in high-stress or conflict-driven environments. However, not everyone reacts the same way – while some may absorb or mirror the anger, others may resist it or try to de-escalate.
Most people experience anger within a typical and healthy range, while others may struggle with managing their anger – by reacting too intensely or suppressing their emotions altogether. For those who experience frequent and intense anger, it can interfere with their thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and relationships, often causing significant distress for both themselves and others. Those who suppress their anger try to avoid expressing their anger, internalising their frustration, which can result in emotional numbness, anxiety, or depression. These individuals may find that their anger becomes overwhelming, leading to sudden outbursts, chronic irritability, or passive-aggressive behaviours.
If not managed well, anger can become deeply ingrained in some people's daily lives, with destructive effects. Excessive expression and suppression can disrupt personal well-being, strain relationships and impact daily functioning. The best way to better manage anger is to develop a greater awareness of healthier ways to express and manage anger. Learning to harness anger in healthy ways supports mental and physical well-being, nurtures social relationships, improves problem-solving, and helps achieve goals.
Recognising Problematic Anger
Anger becomes problematic when how we react to it begins to cause significant difficulties in a person’s life – including career, relationships, and health.
How anger manifests and shows differs from person to person. Therefore, recognising problematic anger becomes an exercise of knowing yourself and how you express and show anger.
Anger can be expressed in three ways:
Outward: where it is expressed through shouting, aggression, or abusive behaviour.
Inward: where it is directed at oneself through negative self-talk, self-denial, or self-harm.
Passive: where anger is shown indirectly through passive-aggressive behaviours like sulking, sarcasm, or giving silent treatment.
There are also physiological, emotional, behavioural, and social signs that anger is building up within us.
Physiological Signs of Anger
Increased heart rate
Muscle tension (especially in the neck, shoulders, or jaw)
Becoming hot, flushed, or excessively sweaty
Clenched fists
Emotional Signs of Anger
Chronic irritability or annoyance
Frustration (persistent sense of being blocked or thwarted)
Resentment (lingering negative feelings towards others, often rooted in perceived unfairness or mistreatment)
Anxiety/Depression (as a result of unresolved anger)
Feeling overwhelmed
Behavioural Signs of Anger
Lashing out verbally or physically
Outbursts (yelling, cursing, or displaying aggressive behaviour)
Destructive behaviours (toward objects or people, or engaging in reckless actions to vent frustration)
Passive-aggressiveness (expressing anger indirectly, through sarcasm, procrastination, or being uncooperative)
Blaming others (avoiding responsibility for one’s emotions)
Frequent regret for things said or done in anger
Triggered by small things (overreacting to minor issues or trivial matters
Social Signs of Anger
Social isolation (social withdrawal/rejection)
Relationship strain (conflicts due to chronic irritability or aggression)
Feeling disconnected (inability to form meaningful and fulfilling relationships)
Consequences of Unmanaged Anger
Anger, when left unmanaged or expressed in unhealthy ways, can have a range of harmful consequences across various aspects of life, including mental health, physical health, social interactions, and relationships.
Mental Health
Chronic anger is closely linked to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and stress. Holding onto unresolved anger can contribute to emotional burnout or emotional instability. Prolonged anger may also impair cognitive functioning, affecting concentration, decision-making, and problem-solving abilities.
Physical Health
Over time, elevated heart rate, high blood pressure, and higher levels of stress hormones can contribute to health problems such as cardiovascular disease, hypertension, weakened immune system, and digestive issues. Additionally, unresolved anger can disrupt sleep, contributing to fatigue and poor overall health.
Social Interactions
In social settings, individuals with chronic anger may be perceived as aggressive or unpredictable, which makes it harder to form meaningful connections. Over time, these social consequences can reinforce feelings of loneliness and alienation.
Personal Relationships
Anger can be particularly damaging in personal relationships. In intimate partnerships, families, or friendships, unresolved anger often leads to conflicts, communication breakdowns, and emotional distance. Constant expression of anger—whether through verbal outbursts, passive aggression, or emotional withdrawal—can erode trust, leading to long-term relational strain, resentment, or even breakup in severe cases. In children, exposure to frequent anger in the home can lead to behavioural issues and emotional trauma.
Workplace and Career
Unmanaged anger can significantly affect job performance and career progression. Employees who frequently express anger may create a toxic work environment, leading to higher stress levels, decreased productivity, and low morale among colleagues. It may also lead to conflicts with management or co-workers, resulting in disciplinary action, missed opportunities, or job loss. Chronic anger can also affect decision-making abilities and hinder professional relationships.
Psychotherapeutic Approaches to Anger Management
From various psychological perspectives, anger is understood as both a natural and complex emotion with multiple underlying causes. It can be viewed as a defence mechanism that masks deeper emotions, a conflict with repressed aspects of the self, a response to feelings of powerlessness or alienation, a reaction driven by distorted thinking, or a corrective yet potentially destructive emotion. Each perspective offers a unique approach to understanding anger and its management, providing valuable insights into how individuals can effectively cope with this powerful emotion.
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy focuses on understanding the underlying psychological roots of anger. In therapy, unresolved conflicts, childhood experiences, or repressed emotions that contribute to current anger are explored. The therapist assists clients in processing emotions to facilitate healing and reduce "reactive anger" – an intense, impulsive emotional response to a perceived threat or provocation.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns that contribute to anger. This would involve helping clients recognize distorted thinking that leads to anger and replace it with more rational thoughts. Skills such as relaxation training, mindfulness, and problem-solving are taught to help clients cope with triggers. Gradually, clients are also supported in confronting situations that provoke anger to practice and reinforce the cognitive and behavioural tools that were developed.
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on the adaptive function of emotions, including anger. In therapy, clients are guided to recognize and express their anger as a valid emotion that signals unmet needs. The therapist helps clients explore the meaning behind their anger and what it reveals about their needs or values. Here, clients learn to transform their anger into constructive action, communication, and assertiveness.
Is one better than the other?
Research shows that the improvements achieved from these treatments are generally maintained after up to 6 months, with some participants even showing further progress. Most importantly, positive changes were reported by participants and by those around them, including spouses and family members.
In short, all roads eventually lead to Rome. What’s most important is finding the approach that resonates with you and building a collaborative relationship with your therapist.
Our Approach to Anger Management in Individual Therapy Sessions
At Hirsch Therapy, we have taken the above-mentioned psychological perspectives to develop our very own understanding of anger and approach to anger management. In our individual therapy sessions, we create a safe, supportive, and empathetic environment, where we work with our clients to build an awareness of triggers and responses to anger. We then want to help our clients understand what is driving their anger so they can take ownership before developing strategies to help them reclaim control over their anger. Ultimately, we aim to help our clients reclaim control over their emotional well-being, leading to more peaceful and fulfilling lives.
Below, we present 4 easily implementable steps to begin your anger management journey today!
The Four Rs of Anger Management of the Hirsch Therapy Approach
Recognize the Warning Signs
The first step in managing anger is to become aware of your triggers and early signs of anger. These may include physical symptoms like a racing heart, clenched fists, or muscle tension. There may also be emotional signals such as irritability, frustration, or an overwhelming urge to lash out. By recognizing these cues early, you can intervene before your anger escalates.
Rehearse a Plan to Snap Out of it
Anger builds like the tension on a rubber band when pulled until it snaps. The same thing happens to us if we cannot snap out of fight mode. By rehearsing these techniques regularly, you can create a mental “emergency brake” to help you regain control when the anger builds up. This might involve a full exhale and deep breathing exercises, drinking a glass of water, doing an angry dance, or whatever else that may help you. The bottom line is to have a personalised ritual that distracts your attention from the trigger.
Relief
Breaking the anger pattern is the hardest part of the battle won. But, it's also important to relieve yourself from any lingering tension. This could include calming activities such as making yourself a cup of tea, physical exercise, meditation, or talking to someone.
Recovery
It takes a lot of time and effort to change ingrained patterns. Nobody is perfect and we may not always get it right. Be patient and kind to yourself for trying. If you do slip up, how we recover is important as well. Sincere apologies and demonstrating your effort to change can go a long way. Recovery also involves continued reflection on the situation to understand what triggered the anger and how to handle it better in the future.
These strategies are designed for you to try right away. Be patient with yourself and remember that "practice makes better!"
But of course, if you need additional support, we are here for you!
If you are struggling with problematic anger, please feel free to reach out. We are happy to support your journey in any way we can.
We offer a 15-minute free online consultation as a risk-free opportunity to clarify any uncertainties or concerns you may have. This can also help you see whether you are comfortable working with our therapist in individual therapy sessions.
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