
“Grief is the price we pay for love.”
Colin Murray Parkes
Grief has a way of stopping time, pulling us into a world where the ache of loss feels unbearable and the weight of absence hangs heavy on our hearts. Few experiences in life carry the profound depth of grief. The world continues to move, oblivious to your pain, while you are left standing still. It can feel isolating and endless - a tremendous weight to carry alone.
At the same time, grief is a raw and unfiltered expression of love – love for what was; love for what could have been; and love for what has now shifted beyond our reach. To grieve is to honour a bond so meaningful that its absence leaves a permanent imprint on our hearts. Though it often feels overwhelming, grief is not something that needs to be “fixed” or hurried away. Grief is a testament to the connections that make us human, reflecting the love we dared to give and the love we dared to receive.
While often associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also arise from any other significant losses.

No matter what loss we mourn, grief reminds us of the fleeting nature of our existence and the frailty of our bonds. But, it also reminds us of our capacity to love and connect, reflecting the profound significance of what has been lost.
Content
Understanding Grief
The struggle to understand and cope with loss is as old as time. Death, be it literal or metaphorical, has always been an inseparable part of the human experience - shaping rituals, beliefs, and traditions across generations. Every culture, every era, and every individual has grappled with the pain of loss, seeking meaning and solace in their own unique ways.
Neanderthals buried their dead with tools, and animal bones, suggesting a belief in an afterlife or spiritual continuation. The grieving practices of the ancient Egyptians revolved around ensuring a smooth transition for the deceased into the afterlife. They would embalm and mummify bodies and place them in ornate tombs filled with goods. Cremation has been central to the Hindu mourning practice, symbolizing the release of the soul from the physical body. In the Victorian era, grieving was marked by strict social customs. Widows were expected to wear black for up to two years, and homes were adorned with black drapes or wreaths. Many of these practices laid the foundation for the elaborate traditions we see today.
Enter Psychology
Psychology's first major attempt to understand grief came from Sigmund Freud in his ground-breaking 1917 paper, Mourning and Melancholia. In this work, Freud explored the emotional and psychological work involved in grieving, shedding light on the complex interplay between our conscious thoughts and unconscious processes.
Over the following years, with more and more research on grief, psychologists found certain key characteristics of people grieving, giving rise to the idea that people go through different stages or phases of grief. This idea was popularized by psychologists like Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Colin Murray Parkes and John Bowlby, who introduced a structured way of understanding the experience of grief.

These models appeal because they offer a sense of order and the promise of eventual “closure” or “recovery.” However, while they provide valuable insights, they fall short of capturing the full complexity, diversity, and unpredictability of the grieving process. We do not simply move through, overcome, or let go of grief. It doesn’t follow a neat, linear path. Sometimes, we may take a step forward, only to take two steps back – and that’s completely okay. In fact, it is often a necessary part of the healing process.
Truly understanding grief means embracing its complexity and accepting that there is no single “right” way to grieve. Rather, we tend to be drawn to the grieving process that speaks most to our unique situation, the particular connection that we have lost, and what we believe will be the best way to honour the memory.
For some, it may be to bring cheer and laughter; for others, it may be a solemn moment of reflection. Some may need to be with others, while others may need to be alone.
Each person’s grief is as unique as the love they’ve lost, and there is no correct way to feel or express it.
Common Symptoms of Grieving
Before we look at how to address our grief, let us take some time to learn how to recognise it.
When we can recognise it, we can respond to our grief more appropriately. This is especially important, especially when there is no literal death involved. Many people often walk through life after experiencing unconventional losses that they never think to process the loss.
Human beings respond to grief in emotional, cognitive, physiological, and behavioural ways:
Emotional Response: Grief often brings intense emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, or longing, which may arise unexpectedly or persist in waves over time. These feelings reflect the depth of the connection to what was lost.
Cognitive Response: Grieving individuals may experience confusion, difficulty concentrating, intrusive thoughts, or a sense of disbelief as they process the reality of the loss and its implications.
Physiological Response: Grief can manifest in the body through fatigue, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, headaches, or even a weakened immune system, reflecting the toll of emotional stress on physical health.
Behavioural Response: Changes in behaviour during grief might include withdrawing from social activities, seeking comfort through rituals or routines, or engaging in coping mechanisms such as journaling, exercise, or excessive distractions.
Critical symptoms to look out for:
Feeling like a part of yourself has died
Marked disbelief
Avoiding reminders
Intense emotional pain
Difficulty reintegrating into life
Emotional numbness
Feeling that life is meaningless
Intense loneliness
Experiencing any of the above for more than 12 months may be indicative of a complication in your grieving process, and it is highly recommended that you speak to a mental healthcare provider.
Managing Grief and Loss
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
Vicki Harrison
There is no overcoming grief, no forgetting, and no “letting go” of your loss. Grief isn’t about moving on - it’s about moving forward by integrating your loss into your life in a way that honours both your pain and your capacity for growth. Here, we will introduce you to the Dual Process Model of Grief which explains how we navigate the grieving process by balancing the two necessities of the process. We will also introduce you to the Four Tasks of Mourning to provide a framework for actively processing and finding meaning in our grief. Finally, we will provide Four Practical Tips to support your grieving process.
The Dual Process Model of Grief
The Dual process model of grief, developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, describes two alternating processes in grief:
Loss-Oriented Activities: In this orientation, the focus is on the emotional and practical aspects of loss itself. This process involves directly engaging with our sorrow. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, yearning, anger, or other emotions that are being triggered. It also includes activities such as reminiscing about the memories, confronting the reality of the loss, and expressing grief through crying, talking, or your other rituals of mourning. While this orientation is crucial for processing grief, it can be emotionally draining, which is why individuals need to shift their attention between this and its counterpart, the restoration-oriented process.
Restoration-Oriented Activities: This orientation emphasizes adapting to the changes and re-engaging with life. This includes managing practical tasks such as reorganizing daily routines, taking on new roles, or building new relationships. It can also involve focusing on personal growth, rediscovering a sense of normalcy, or taking time to rest and recover. While this process may not involve direct emotional confrontation with the loss, it provides a necessary balance by fostering resilience and a forward-looking perspective. While this orientation is crucial for recovery, it can keep us stuck in the grieving process if we ignore the loss-orientated activities.
Balancing between processing the loss and attending to life acknowledges that grieving is not a linear journey but a back-and-forth process.
The 4 Tasks of Grieving
In his book “Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy”, William J. Worden (1982) outlined the 4 tasks of grieving:
Accepting the Reality of the Loss
The first step in any grieving process is accepting that the loss is real and permanent. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a dream or opportunity, recognizing and confronting the reality of the loss is essential. Without accepting this, it becomes hard to move forward and heal.
Working Through the Pain of Grief
Grief often brings up a wide range of emotions - anger, guilt, sadness, fear, confusion, or even relief. These emotions are natural and part of the grieving process. It’s important to allow yourself to feel and express these feelings, rather than suppressing them. Working through grief doesn’t mean “getting over it” quickly; it means acknowledging and processing the pain, which takes time.
Adjusting to a Life Without the Deceased or Lost Element
Grief involves adjusting to a life without what or who you've lost, whether that’s a loved one, a relationship, a job, or a way of life. This adjustment might involve taking on new responsibilities, changing routines, or redefining your identity. For example, if a partner dies, you may need to manage household tasks or finances on your own. If you’ve lost a career or a dream, you may need to rethink your goals or find new meaning. Each form of loss requires a different kind of adjustment, but all of them involve finding a new way to live in the absence of what was once part of your life.
Maintaining a Continuing Bond
Grief doesn’t mean letting go of, or forgetting, whom or what you have lost. Instead, it’s about finding a new way to maintain a connection. Whether through memories, rituals, or new traditions, continuing bonds allow us to honour the past while moving forward. This might involve keeping a loved one’s memory alive through stories, special events, or even incorporating their values into your life. Maintaining these bonds can help you feel that your connection still exists, even if it has changed.
4 Practical Tips for Your Grieving Process
Permission to feel
Acknowledging your grief is the first and most important step toward healing. It’s natural to want to push your feelings aside, distract yourself, or convince yourself to “stay strong,” but grief is a normal, human response to loss that deserves your attention. Permitting yourself to grieve means allowing your emotions—whether sadness, anger, confusion or even relief—to surface without judgment or shame. It’s okay to cry, feel overwhelmed or need time to process what’s happened. Grief isn’t something to fix or rush through; it’s something to experience. By acknowledging your grief, you honour the significance of your loss and create space for healing, growth, and, eventually, a renewed sense of meaning.
Connect with others
Loss needs to be balanced with gain. The best people to fill that void are your loved ones. Speak to trusted loved ones and share your burdens. Express your grief. If you’re afraid of burdening others with your grief, it is important to remember that sharing your feelings is not a sign of weakness or selfishness - it’s an act of connection and trust. True friends and loved ones want to support you, just as you would for them if the roles were reversed. Grief can feel isolating, but letting others in allows them to provide comfort, perspective, or a listening ear, which can ease your emotional load. Do not feel pressured to demonstrate progress either. Your loved ones are not here to check your Key Performance Indicators, they want to be there for you.
Reconnect with life
The opposite of death is life. Whenever we are confronted with death, literal or metaphorical, we need to balance it out with life. Engage in activities that make you feel alive. This can include exercise which releases endorphins (the body's natural feel-good hormones), or going on adventures (travel; learn new things; widen your perspectives).
Give Therapy a try
Grief can feel overwhelming and complicated, bringing up a range of emotions that may be hard to understand or manage on your own. A therapist can provide a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can explore your feelings, process your loss, and learn healthy ways to navigate the pain. Therapy can also help you make sense of the shifts in your life and guide you through the unique challenges of your grief journey. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” your grief - it’s about giving yourself the tools, support, and understanding you need to move forward in a way that feels right for you. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of care for yourself and your well-being.
In Conclusion
Unfortunately, grief is an inevitable part of the human experience. It is a natural response to loss that reflects the depth of our love and connection that we are capable of. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a cherished dream, or a part of ourselves, grief challenges our sense of identity and leaves us searching for meaning in its wake. Yet, within this pain lies the potential for profound personal growth. Through grief, many discover newfound strengths, deeper resilience, and a greater appreciation for life. Loss does not have to diminish us; it can transform us - shaping who we become in ways we may not fully understand.
Finally, keep in mind that whom or what we have lost is never truly gone; they live on within us, influencing how we engage with the world and the relationships we cherish. By learning to express our unspoken love in new and meaningful ways, we honour whom or what we have lost and the life we continue to build. In essence, grief reminds us of what truly matters and invites us to find healing and transformation through its challenges.
If you or a loved one is struggling with loss, please feel free to reach out to us for a free consultation or book an individual therapy session.
We are always happy to support you in any way that we can :)
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